Friday, March 13, 2015

Some Thoughts on Mothering

Some days I feel like I'm going non-stop from morning to night.  Sustained literally by the grace of God (because let's face it, He's enough anyway, and I'm not drinking coffee currently AND I'm tired from growing this little life!).  

And a lot of days that running around from morning to night looks like this:  Wake up, pray, get out of bed (somewhat begrudgingly), get breakfast for the littles, fix myself something, start some laundry, wash any leftover dishes, eventually get us all dressed, pick up toys/break up sister disagreements as I go, get myself ready, head out the door if we're going somewhere (after continually urging everyone to find shoes), nap, make dinner while getting the babes to do an activity, encourage cleaning up for Daddy's arrival, get dinner on the table, clean up dinner aftermath, play a little/look up recipes while Daddy plays, get baths, bedtime routine, and then catch up with my man before conking out.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

And honestly, somedays it's hard to feel like I have purpose in it all.  It's hard to remember that this IS worth it.  That this IS something.  That I'm making a difference.  Many a good post have been written on this motherhood journey and its validity, and I'm not attempting to be one of those...just simply agreeing.  It's grueling work.  Tiring and not always rewarding.

But, it's about the little moments.

Today I was struggling with all this (thus the post, obviously) and feeling like all I had been doing all day was correcting, promoting sharing, talking about behavior, and disciplining.  I was exhausted by lunchtime.  Maybe even shed a tear or two to the hubs on the phone (who is very busy at work currently, and bless him, he was still patient).  As a side note, I'm sure pregnancy hormones don't help anything, haha.

So we changed paces and went to the playground.  Took lunch.  Ate.  They got on the swings.  I tried to breathe :)

Then we came home and took much-needed naps.

Naptime ended and we played outside again.  And Elise, all on her own, picked a little bouquet of purple flowers just for Mommy.  "Here Mommy, these are for you!" And just like that, the craziness of the day, the frustration, the weariness, faded away.  And I was (mostly) refreshed.  I was grateful to be her Mommy in that moment.

Somehow she still loves me.  The tired me.  The Mommy who needs grace after grace.  The one who gets aggravated and isn't always loving.  She picks flowers for me.  She loves me.

(and I think her sissy does too ;)

It's a pretty sweet deal this mothering thing.  It's a challenging, heart-wrenching, soul-finding deal...but it's sweet.  And I'm glad to be theirs.

(And some photos from this evening outside...Daddy came home and we were all happy :)
(As a final note, I realize mothering doesn't look the same for everyone...this was just my day, and in my way, I'm sharing the thoughts from that day here :)

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Life + Baby Palmer No. 3!

Well hello there, ole blog...we used to be good buddies, right?  Pardon me while I dust things's been awhile! 

Man how life happens.  Seasons change.  Babies grow (Elise is 3.5 and Nora will soon be 2!).  New babies form.

(In case you missed that announcement....)
And that's what life has thrown at me as of the past few months.

You see, I'm not one of these gloriously glowing pregnant women...nope, not me, not at all.  I'm a sickly pregnant woman.  At least for the large majority of the first part of pregnancy.  And that's what I've been as of late (er, the past couple months)...sick.  Like the kind of sick that has kept me in the house and by the toilet.  See, I told ya, glorious.  It hasn't been pleasant, but at the same time I've been (oddly) grateful for the sickness because for me it's been a sign of reassurance. 

As crazy as that sounds, this pregnancy has been such an emotional roller coaster.  I won't go into it too much here (ask me in person!), but heaven gained two precious ones prior to this pregnancy and it has put my senses on hyperdrive this time around.  Ridiculous.  Scary.  Fear-filled moments.  Every little sign/symptom/change has caused me to analyze "Is this baby ok?"  "What's happening?"  I can unfortunately admit I've allowed myself to be robbed of some joy this go, and that saddens me.  It's been...intense.

But we're getting there.  This little one and I.  And as I can see the light of day (aka slowly feeling like a normal human again), I am striving (trying) to rejoice in this little life in me and praise the One who created it.  No matter what happens.

And that's been the challenge...trusting Him fully and surrendering my wants/needs/desires.  Obeying.  It's a journey.

Bringing us to now...I'm 16 weeks! (and already in maternity clothes yeesh!)
New and exciting things:
Feeling baby move for the first couple of times (15 weeks 5 days, and Jas felt it too...albeit briefly)
Starting to find food slowly more appealing
Less nausea/throwing up
Anxious to learn what it will be (boy/girl! excited! in a few weeks!)

So in summation, we are excited, thankful, and hopeful for this little one's life.  We're grateful for the opportunity to be parents again and look forward to seeing who this little person will become! Thanks for joining us in prayer for his/her means a lot to us!  Truly.
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